How Not to Win Friends and Influence People
I observed a now-departed colleague, who we shall call Abbey, as she welcomed a potential new supporter of our organisation's work. After formalities, Abbey launched into a tirade against the perceived inadequacies of one of our visitor's colleagues. The visitor, who we'll call Jill, had only been with her new organisation for two months, and barely knew her colleague who was being so severely criticised.
Apparently Jill's colleague had failed to provide a particular document, despite having given several commitments to sending it. While Jill had come to our company simply to show her credentials and generate some goodwill, I will always recall the meeting as a perfect demonstration in appalling customer service.
Abbey pulled no punches. She stated that Jill's colleague was either "arrogant or incompetent", and that she had told so many lies that she had "pimples on her tongue". I sat quietly. I sat on my hands so that they would not reach out and wring Abbey's neck, and I imagined sitting on my mouth (not the most comforting of thoughts) so that I would not verbally explode on the spot.
Suffice to say, I immediately emailed Jill after the meeting to apologise for Abbey's behaviour. Thankfully, I had also met briefly with Jill prior to the meeting to let her know of my ideas for the future of our organisation, a future which would probably roll out without the benefit of Abbey's service.
Despite this, I still remain amazed at Abbey's approach. The arrival of the document was not a matter of life and death for either organisation. Sure, it was needed to inform a broader contract, however the contract was not going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight that night.
What is it that turns seemingly reasonable people into workplace sociopaths? How can any reasonable sense of perspective be so easily jettisoned for the incredibly short-term satisfactions of blowing someone away. Do we all harbour hidden tendencies to react like the Michael Douglas character in the movie "Falling Down", where he began gunning people down as his world fell apart around him?
I'm not sure that we do. Over time, I think that people are generally more friendly and professional than in generations past. Perhaps Abbey was simply a product of a different era, an era in which self-righteousness and indignation were in and courtesy and flexibility were out. On the other hand, maybe the tendency for people to over-promise in order to avoid offending is creating a dominion of "angries" who simply get to the point of absolute frustration and let it show.
In my view, the unprofessionalism of Abbey's behaviour raises two suggestions for the ways in which we practice management and for the behaviours we model for others to observe. The bedrock principle is that you cannot be over-focused on providing outstanding service to your customers and stakeholders. This demands flexibility, understanding and sometimes levels of patience which few seem to possess. The other suggestion is that outstanding customer service needs to be provided on a foundation of truth or, if you like, being "fair dinkum" with others. If we cannot respond to a request in five minutes or five hours or five days, despite our very best efforts, we should say so.
There is strength in honesty and in being straight down the line with our customers and colleagues. Again, however, this is a counter-cultural response, since we live in a climate in which "no" or "I'll need to get back to you" or "I can't absolutely guarantee it will be there in three days but I will keep you informed of progress each day" are the kinds of words, phrases and sentences viewed as demonstrating weakness rather than strength.
Great managers encourage honesty and transparency in ways appropriate to the situation. In this case,
Abbey could have just as easily mentioned to Jill the problem in diplomatic terms at the end of a successful meeting rather than at the outset poisoning the well of goodwill and relationship. In her inimitable way, she provoked only defensiveness and disbelief. Her behaviour was an example, par excellence, of terrible customer service and simply awful social etiquette.
Oh, and by the way, the document arrived by courier as the meeting concluded!
About the Author
Dr Dave Poole is a leadership speaker and author. He has taught leadership in Australia, China, and the United States and given keynote presentations at major conferences and corporate events around the world. His leadership and management textbooks are extremely popular in the Asia-Pacific region, while his presentation style is engaging and passionate
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